“I will not wait to love as best I can…”
Work had run late.
I was feeling frustrated and compressed about not having been able to untangle myself. Filled with angst, I jumped on my cell phone the minute I’d climbed into the car for my return trip home. Already mapping out short-cuts and planning to defy statutory speed limits, I didn’t even wait for an answer before launching into a staccato volley of “sorry…I’ll be home soon. I should’ve called earlier”. Sensing an opportunity to speak when I paused to inhale, what I heard was, “Hi, I was hoping it was you”.
Demeanor calm, I remember being told to ‘drive carefully’ and not worry about dinner. He had it covered. As the drive unfolded in front of me I had just began to unclench when BAM – smack out of the blue, it hit me. “I was hoping it was you…” Could there be a fuller expression of love from one for another. I am a very lucky dog indeed.
How lucky I was…curious in that in my time away from you and the blogging experiment, there have been times where I hadn’t felt lucky at all. Odd how sometimes when you stand and try do ‘the right thing’, Life has a way of slapping back. I remembered the old ones around me when I was growing up saying something about no good deed going unpunished.
The intent of my recent hiatus was to get some greenhouse time to grow and develop as a person while spending some quality time on my relationship – all without the pressures of production time tables, the deluge of input from the blogoshpere, getting the oil changed and making sure the bills got paid on time.
What actually happened was the deeper I looked into some the quirks and foibles that make me a pain to live with, the more old dead wood I found trying to block me from my quest. As if in some manner of grand conspiracy, other demands started popping up to occupy the time I’d so deliberately reserved for myself. In no time flat, I was worrying about what might happen; being frustrated by what was happening and how I could have handled it differently. More than once I channeled Tevye: “Lord, I know we’re your Chosen People, but why do you always have to choose us?” It’s a funny line, but then again, not so much.
And then I turned on the news.
This week has Article 2 of the Voters Rights Act being debated in front of a federal court in Wisconsin. Seems an awful lot of people have a problem with what their governor has done with new state laws dealing with photo-ID and the right to vote. Woman in Texas have seen their access to OB/GYN and family planning facilities dramatically shuttered – over night. Remember Representative Wendy Williams and her valiant effort at staving off those who preferred making deals in the night? Oh and then in a picture-perfect example of life imitating art, Sandra Bullock must be wondering about the space junk hurtling towards earth as the GOCE satellite slowly gets pulled back into our gravity field. And as if having to duck space junk weren’t bad enough, poor families depending on SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) to feed their households saw their benefits drop as a result of the Republicans in congress going above and beyond the sequester while the launch of the web site for the Affordable Care Act (ACA) limps along. Sobering indeed to see some of our politicians barely being able to contain their glee at our difficulty.
And then there was a pause.
I am reminded to recall Mahatma Gandhi who took the time to remind me: “When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.”
Earlier this week, I was running late (again) as I did my speed walking routine to the car while I hit the speed-dial on my cell phone. Not even waiting for any greeting, I started to spew out all that happened to delay my departure.
A bit startled, I snapped out of my rush to get to the car and asked, “what?” and that’s when I first heard the news! On Tuesday, November 5th, the Illinois State Legislature became the 15th state to approve marriage equality for same-sex couples.
The whole way home I couldn’t quit smiling.
And when I got there?
I proposed. He said, “yes”. After almost 30-years, we are engaged. Come this June, we will step across a threshold I never thought we’d live to see.
Love does win. It is not cheap or easily won. It is also very difficult to kill. Love just doesn’t have it in its nature. In that respect, we could all use a little getting back to nature.
Whether you think so or not, there is someone that loves you. Near or far, seen or unseen, none of us can afford to fall under the seductive untruth that no one is there for someone as screwed up as you.
Open your fists.
Close your eyes.
Even if you think no one loves you, close your eyes. If you do, you might be surprised at what you see. Love is all around you…even you and someone like me who never thought he’d find love have a place at this table. Love finds us. In fact, I would go so far as to say it’s what Love does best.
Love someone this week. Tell someone you love them in all kinds of unorthodox and ordinary ways. Here’s one I will always cherish: “Oh good. I was hoping it was you.”
Even though it’s late on a Sunday evening, it’s good to be back. Travel well. Sojourner Truth, over and out.
Dave Eggers (born March 12, 1970) is an American writer, editor, and publisher. He is known for the best-selling memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and for his subsequent work as a novelist and screenwriter. He is also the founder of McSweeney’s, the co-founder of the literacy project 826 Valencia, and the founder of ScholarMatch, a program that matches donors with students needing funds for college tuition. His works have appeared in several magazines, most notably The New Yorker. His works have received a significant amount of critical acclaim.
SOURCES, PHOTO CREDITS and ATTRIBUTIONS:
Wisconsin voter ID law heads to trial: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2013/11/04/wisconsin-voter-id-law-heads-to-trial/
Rights groups ask Supreme Court to block part of Texas abortion law:http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/04/health/texas-abortion-law/
Satellite debris plummeting towards Earth: http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/bizarre&id=9320545
About the November 1 SNAP/Food Stamp Benefit Reduction: http://frac.org/federal-foodnutrition-programs/snapfood-stamps/
Obamacare adviser says healthcare website encountering new issues: http://news.yahoo.com/obamacare-adviser-says-healthcare-website-encountering-issues-191603418–sector.html
Lawmakers approve gay marriage in Illinois: http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2013-11-05/news/chi-gay-marriage-illinois-20131105_1_illinois-senate-gay-marriage-gay-lawmakers
Banner Coastal Redwood Forest by Eric E Photography is used with permission.
Opening quote from Dave Eggers in his book about the lost boys of the Sudan – Phenominal writing in his book: “What is the What“; Traffic Jams: http://leonhart90.blogspot.com/2013/03/5-reasons-i-dislike-studying-in-malaysia.html ; hauntedforest: http://www.paradymevents.com/tradeshow_gallery.html; Mahatma Gandhi: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/evil; Illinois Governor Pat Quinn: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-gay-marriage-religious-freedom-20131107,0,2882465.story; Dave Eggers Bio clip: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Eggers Photo: http://www.berkeleyside.com/2010/02/02/dave-eggers-have-a-few-pirate-fights-with-your-writing-lesson/; GOCE 1: http://www.universetoday.com/106284/goce-spacecraft-will-likely-make-uncontrolled-re-entry-this-weekend/; Space Junk: http://www.howitworksdaily.com/space/space-debris-cleared-by-cubesail/
Evolution of Music – Pentatonix.
Paraphrasing Diane Sawyer (ABC News) calling the group the Comeback Kids of Music, these are kids who just started singing…the world said ‘no’ and they believed in ‘yes’. Click on their pic, push past the Youtube ad and enjoy just the tip of their repertoire. Everything they do is tasty, tight and marvelously executed.
Amazing what can happen when you love what you do and who you’re with. Here’s hoping
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