SECRETS

Shhhh

As a friend of mine in recovery told me, “Once an alcoholic, you’ll always be an alcoholic. The real objective is to be the kind that doesn’t drink anymore.”

When I was a little kid, keeping my innermost thoughts and wishes secret was a form of survival. If no one knew what I was really wanting (or needing), they weren’t able to hurt me by denying me either.

But that was then and this is now. Since then I’ve spent years coming to grips with the reality that some of the personality quirks developed way back in the day are A) no longer effective in the life I have now; B) are not conducive to respecting myself (or others) and C) not flaws to be removed like some sort of tumor.

But despite what I typically tell myself, the past year or so has demonstrated that when my back is truly against the wall, personality quirks I’ve had since my earliest childhood will come roaring back to the forefront, not vanquished nor managed at all. It ain’t pretty.

One case in point – cancer battle or not, there have been consequences to retreating from those around me while feeling hostile at their good intentions in surrounding me with love and support. Intellectually, I know I’m incredibly blessed to have them. Emotionally, I’m a little surprised I’m so mad. Where’s the respect in that?

But being mad isn’t helping me or anyone else. No easy task to acknowledge my shortcomings for what they are, embracing them as simply part and parcel of where I’ve come from and then going from there. Put another way, no matter what I tell myself, I know I have no basis for thinking I could successfully swim across the Atlantic or fix the transmission in my car.

But for the last month or two, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing whenever I’ve tried to sell myself on the idea that with enough self-awareness, I have what it takes to solve my passive-aggressive rage on my own. ‘I think I can, I think I can…’

It took awhile, but with enough quiet, I can point out the ways my belligerence has wormed its’ way back into my day-in, day-out behaviors. I can name them. In fact, it is probably pretty normal for someone in my situation to have those kinds of feelings swirling around. What isn’t healthy is recognizing same and doing nothing about it.

I do not accept there is nothing I can do to raise my lowest common denominator. This week, I take steps to turn this around. Time to be honest with those in my inner-circle while I seek out professional help to accomplish where I want to go and what I want to do. Victims don’t seek out coaches. Winners do.

untilthendan

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Yvonne Staples

 

YVONNE STAPLES

(Oct. 23, 1937 – April 10, 2018)

(CHICAGO: Chicago SunTimes – Maureen O’Donnel)

Yvonne Staples, whose baritone helped propel the Staple Singers to the top of the music charts and into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1999, has died at home in South Shore at 80, according to Chicago’s Leak & Sons Funeral Home.

Ms. Staples performed on hits including “Respect Yourself,” “I’ll Take You There” and “Heavy Makes You Happy” with her sisters Mavis and Cleotha and their father, guitarist Roebuck “Pops” Staples.

Yvonne Staples, whose baritone helped propel the Staple Singers to the top of the music charts and into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1999, has died at home in South Shore at 80, according to Chicago’s Leak & Sons Funeral Home.

Ms. Staples performed on hits including “Respect Yourself,” “I’ll Take You There” and “Heavy Makes You Happy” with her sisters Mavis and Cleotha and their father, guitarist Roebuck “Pops” Staples.

She was born in Chicago to Pops and Oceola Staples, both with Mississippi roots. She started singing with Mavis and their brother Pervis in the 1940s at their uncle’s church.

Their mother “helped us with costumes, and she took care of everything, all the details. She even made sure the children carried themselves well,” Pops Staples once told the Chicago Sun-Times. “And she was always there after a tour or concert with our favorite meal.”

In 1970, Ms. Staples replaced her brother in the group.

The family lived near 89th and Langley, where they used to host an annual Fourth of July barbecue that drew friends and stars including gospel legends Mahalia Jackson and Albertina Walker and Gene “Duke of Earl” Chandler.

Their soaring harmonies wove together gospel, pop, funk, folk and soul on songs including Curtis Mayfield’s “Let’s Do It Again” and “If You’re Ready (Come Go with Me).” “That harmony is always going to be there,” Mavis Staples said in a 2003 Sun-Times interview, “because you all grew up together.”

The Staple Singers made more than 30 albums. Their greatest chart successes were on Stax Records in the early 1970s. And their performance was a highlight of the film “Wattstax,” a documentary of a 1972 Los Angeles concert dubbed the “Black Woodstock.”

Symbols of black empowerment and pride, the Staple Singers were active in the civil rights movement and toured the world. When the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. traveled with the group, he’d ask them to play Pops Staples’ “Why? (Am I Treated So Bad).”

SOURCES: https://chicago.suntimes.com/news/yvonne-staples-of-the-staples-singers-dies-at-80/. Additional sourcing: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/10/obituaries/yvonne-staples-singers.html; https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2018/04/10/yvonne-staples-staples-singers-siblings-dies-80/504234002/. Photo Credit: http://www.chicagobluesguide.com/reviews/live-reviews/images-lucerne-blues-fest-2010/yvonne-staples-lucerne_400.jpg

The Staple Singers Respect Yourself Live Filmed Performance 1972

spacerSOURCESBanner Coastal Redwood Forest by Eric E Photography is used with permission.

Visit Eric at: http://www.ericephoto.com or http://ericephoto.wordpress.com/

Shhh: https://www.truconversion.com/blog/traffic/47-easy-secrets-professional-bloggers-use-to-increase-blog-traffic/; Silent Child: istock photo via a solid WordPress site. Check out Stephen’s blog ‘Adventures of a Really Cool Dad’ at www.reallycooldad.comhttps://reallycooldad.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/rcd_silent-child_01.jpg;

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Silent Child

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Posted in Life Lessons, Love | Tagged , , | 4 Comments